


THE KNIGHT WHO SAYS 'NYEH'

by GypsumLilac



Series: Noodlepocalypse [3]
Category: Undertale
Genre: AND NARRATED BY YOURS TRULY, Action, BLOODSHED..., BUT THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS NOT OOC. THE AUTHOR COULD NEVER MAKE HIM GO OOC., Gen, IT IS NOT FOR THE FEINT OF HEART., MAFIATALE... I THINK?, NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!!, NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!!!, Noodles, Romance!!, SANS... HOWEVER... IS TOO LAZY TO STAY IN CHARACTER..., THE GREAT PAPYRUS.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-02
Updated: 2017-06-02
Packaged: 2018-11-08 07:04:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11076483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GypsumLilac/pseuds/GypsumLilac
Summary: PEOPLE TRY TO ROB YOU WHILE WALKING HOME. YOU ARE RESCUED... BY A MYSTERIOUS STRANGER IN GRAND ARMOR... WHOEVER COULD IT BE???





	THE KNIGHT WHO SAYS 'NYEH'

**Author's Note:**

> Ugggghhh, so it's mostly in ALL CAPS. So... yeah, don't read if you have a headache... seriously, you may wanna take some aspirin. Or ibuprofen. Whichever poison you prefer ;p. 
> 
> Jk, I know they're not poisons... or maybe they are...

[THIS IS THE TALE OF A GREAT AND ASTOUNDINGLY AMAZING SKELETON NAMED PAPYRUS AND HOW HE MET YOU, A COMMON HUMAN LONGING FOR A BRAVE KNIGHT TO SWEEP YOU OFF YOUR FEET, WHICH I HAVE- ER, AM!! IT ALL STARTED ON A NIGHT MUCH LIKE THIS ONE… IN A STREET THAT IS NOT AT ALL LIKE THIS COMFY ROOM WE ARE SEATED INSIDE… WITH A BUNCH OF HOOLIGANS WHO ARE MOST DEFINITELY NOTHING LIKE THESE FRIENDS WE HAVE HERE-] 

“aww, bro, that ‘asobi’ the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

 [- SANS SANS THE MASTER HOOLIGAN HIMSELF, MY LAZY BROTHER WHO HAS APPARENTLY BEEN TURNED INTO AN OTAKU BY ALPHYS… BUT ENOUGH ABOUT THEM, THIS STORY IS ABOUT ME!!-] 

“Can you just get this over with? I need to go.”

 [-HAVE PATIENCE, THIS STORY IS ABOUT YOU TOO. AS I WAS SAYING- BEFORE BEING RUDELY INTERRUPTED WITH AN AWFUL PUN THAT DOESN’T EVEN WORK BECAUSE IT’S LITERALLY FROM ANOTHER LANGUAGE AND WHAT’S EVEN WORSE IS THAT IT WAS HORRIBLY PRONOUNCED!!-] 

“sorry, bro.” 

[-AHEM. IT WAS ON A LONESOME STREET UNDERNEATH THE WANING MOON THAT IT ALL STARTED…

YOU WERE WALKING DOWN SAID STREET, SWINGING YOUR TWELVE TONS OF GROCERIES ON YOUR ARMS EASILY- WHICH IS REALLY NO BIG DEAL, THE GREAT PAPYRUS CAN SWING THREE THOUSAND TONS OF GROCERIES ON HIS HEAVILY BICEPED ARMS- DO NOT SAY A WORD, SANS…]

“flibbity.” 

[-I AM IGNORING THAT. YOU WONDERED BRIEFLY WHY YOUR LIFE WAS SO UNINTERESTING AND MUNDANE. BUT YOU HAD A REFRIGERATOR TO CATCH, SO YOU HURRIED AS SLOWLY AS YOUR FEET COULD SAUNTER UNDER THE HEAVY WEIGHT OF THOSE GROCERIES. 

IT WAS THEN- THAT THE THIRTEEN AFOREMENTIONED HOOLIGANS WHO ARE NOT NEARLY AS BAD AS MY  BROTHER BUT STILL PRETTY BAD JUMPED OUT OF AN ALLEY AND BESET YOU UNDERNEATH THE FLICKERING HALO OF A STREETLAMP!!! YOU DROPPED FIRST YOUR GROCERIES AND THEN ONE OF THE HOOLIGANS WITH A SINGLE PUNCH TO THE SOLAR PLEXUS!!-] 

“guess he wished for sunny days to come again. or a new phone.” 

“Shush. He’s at the good part.” 

[-BUT ALAS!! THERE WERE TOO MANY OF THEM FOR YOU TO BRAVELY BEAT INTO UNCONSCIOUSNESS!! AS THE REMAINING HOOLIGANS ADVANCED UPON YOU, CUTTING YOU OFF FROM ANY HOPE OF ESCAPE, YOUR THOUGHTS FLICKERED TO THE OLD TALES OF HEROS RESCUING DISTRESSED PEOPLE. SADLY, THERE WERE NO HEROS PRESENT…

OR WEREN’T THERE?? LO AND BEHOLD, A SKELETON IN GRAND ARMOR CAME SAUNTERING DOWN THE STREET AND SAW YOUR PLIGHT!! HE RUSHED INTO THE FRAY, DEALING OUT WHACKS WITH BONES AS YOU CUDGELED THEM WITH A CAN OF PEACHES!! THE KNIGHT STOOD AT YOUR BACK, AND THE HOOLIGANS MELTED AWAY IN TERROR. THE DAY WAS SAVED!! OR SO IT SEEMED…] 

“the pasta is so ravioli-ing.” 

[-I AM NOT SURE WHY MY BROTHER CHOSE TO RUIN THIS MOMENT WITH THAT PUN… HE SHOULD CONSIDER ON THIN ICE. EXACTLY HOW THE HOOLIGANS WERE AS THE BRAVE KNIGHT AND YOU CHASED THEM AWAY. BUT THEN… 

ANOTHER HUMAN STEPPED OUT OF THE ALLEY WITH A WICKED SNEER AND A CREEPY LAUGH. “NREHEHEHEHE,” HE LAUGHED CREEPILY AND SLITHERED TOWARDS YOU. YOU HID BEHIND THE SKELETON’S ARM, AND YOUR HAIR TICKLED HIS CHIN. YOUR FORMER SPIRIT OF AGGRESSIVE PEACHINESS VANISHED INTO SOMETHING… DEADLY. THE GREAT SKELETON PUFFED OUT HIS CHEST, HIS SCARF FLUTTERING EPICALLY IN THE BREEZE. 

“YOU MAY NOT TOUCH THIS HUMAN, FOUL CREATURE. LEAVE THEM. OR FACE THE BRAVERY OF THE GREAT PAPYRUS!! NYEH HEH HEH HEH!!” THE AMAZING SKELETON PRONOUNCED, AND THE CREEPY DUDE FLINCHED AS IF SMITTEN WITH HORROR. 

“NREHEHE… OH REALLY… THEN YOU MUST BE EXPECTING- THIS!!” WITH A FLICK OF HIS WRIST, CREEPY DUDE SPUN A KNIFE INTO THE AIR. IT ROCKETED TOWARDS THE SKELETON’S HEAD- AND THE SKELETON WAS TOTALLY ABOUT TO BLOCK IT WITH A COOL MOVE- BUT THEN YOU SLASHED IT OUT OF THE AIR WITH A DAGGER THAT YOU PRODUCED FROM… SOMEWHERE!!

“I’LL KILL EVERYONE YOU SEND AFTER ME.” YOU SAID QUIETLY.  WHILE THE SKELETON COULDN’T APPROVE OF DOING VIOLENCES, HE COULD APPROVE OF INTIMIDATING THREATS SO HE FORMED AN AWESOME BONE SWORD AND SPUN IT IN THE AIR WHILST CACKLING GLEEFULLY. THEN YOU CONTINUED, YOUR MORALE BOOSTED BY THE SKELETON’S AMAZINGNESS, “THE CRAZY LICH IS UNDER MY PROTECTION, AS WELL.” BUT OF COURSE YOU WERE FEINTING, AS THE SKELETON NEEDED NO PROTECTION, AND WAS IN FACT PROTECTING YOU.

“INDEED!” THE SKELETON SAID. “WAIT, WHO IS THIS ‘LICH’?? DO YOU MEAN TO SAY ‘LEECH’? WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO PROTECT A LEECH…? NO MATTER, FOR I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WILL PROTECT THIS HUMAN!! AND MALFAX WILL NEVER HARM A SINGLE TICKLY HAIR ON THEIR HEAD!!” YOU RELAXED AT THIS STATEMENT, OR AT THE SHARP CRACKING NOISE.

THEN CREEPY DUDE CHUCKLED AND THEN MELTED INTO THE SHADOWS, NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN…] 

“Wow. I have never heard history so…” 

“awesome?” 

“Embellished.”

[-AHEM!! WHEN THE THREAT HAD VANISHED, YOU FELL INTO THE GREAT PAPYRUS’S ARMS WITH A FRIGHTENING GRIN STRETCHED ON YOUR FACE. “H-HOS-PITAL-“ YOU CROAKED, BUT THE SKELETON ALREADY KNEW WHAT WAS WRONG. WITH A QUICK DEXTERITY, HE LID YOU OUT ON THE GROUND AND REMOVED THE STICKY COAT FROM YOUR ARMS, THEN LIFTED YOUR SHIRT TO GET TO THE WOUND WITHOUT DEPRIVING YOU OF MODESTY. THE SKELETON FORMED HEALING MAGIC AND PRESSED IT TO THE GAPING RED HOLE IN YOUR SIDE. YOU REACHED UP A BLOODY HAND AND PRESSED IT TO MY CHEEKBONE WITH A GENTLE SNEER. “IDIOT…” YOU MUTTERED, BLINDED WITH PAIN AND ADRENALINE. “YOU SHOULD HAVE STAYED OUT OF THIS…” AND THEN YOU FELL LIMP. BUT THE GREAT PAPYRUS CAN NOT BE FOOLED BY SUCH MUNDANE TRICKS AS THOSE. YOUR FEEBLE ATTEMPT TO FAKE DEATH, THEREBY FORCING YOUR RESCUER TO LEAVE YOU FOR DEAD, WAS FOILED WHEN THE SKELETON PICKED YOU UP IN HIS ARMS AND CARRIED YOU TO HIS HOME.-] 

“You’re still an idiot.”

“hey, buddy, sarcasm’s not funny.”

“Wasn’t sarcasm… okay, okay, I take it back!”

[-SANS, STOP WITH THE DEATH GLARES. I AM GLAD YOU HAVE SEEN SENSE, THOUGH, HUMAN, FOR THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS THE LEAST IDIOTIC!! BESIDES… ONLY AN IDIOT WOULD BE RUDE ENOUGH TO CALL YOUR HERO ONE… NYEH HEH!! ONCE THE SKELETON ARRIVED AT HIS HOUSE, HE WRAPPED YOU IN BLANKETS, SET YOU ON THE COUCH, AND WHIPPED UP A BATCH OF FRIENDSHIP SPAGHETTI FOR EVERYONE TO ENJOY TOGETHER!! UNFORTUNATELY YOU VOMITED AFTER SWALLOWING ONE BITE.. WHICH WAS CERTAINLY BECAUSE HUMANS CAN’T EAT FOR THREE HOURS AFTER FIGHTING. YOU THEN TRIED TO RUN AWAY FROM US BUT THE STREETS WERE NOT SAFE FOR YOU STILL, SO WE LOCKED YOU INTO OUR GUEST ROOM UNTIL YOU HAD A GOOD NIGHT’S SLEEP.-]

“I didn’t. You could say I’m ‘sans’ sleep…”

“don’t expect me to apologize.”

“I expect you to let me go. But you not watching me every minute would be nice, too.” 

[-YOU WILL BE LET GO WHEN WE DEEM IT SAFE FOR YOU. THIS ‘MALFAX’ CHARACTER IS STILL OUT THERE AND TRYING TO KILL YOU… AND ME TOO, APPARENTLY. I DON’T BLAME THEM AT ALL FOR BEING TERRIFIED OF US… WE MAKE QUITE A FORMIDABLE TEAM!! BUT NEVERMIND THAT, THE STORY IS ALMOST AT THE END. YOU ARE NOW IN OUR LIVING ROOM, LISTENING TO ME REGALE YOU WITH THE TALE OF HOW WE MET. NOW DO YOU REMEMBER THAT MALFAX CHARACTER?]

“You could have just asked me.”

“but this way, we got an epic story out of it. you follow?”

“…I follow, alright. You can put away Nessie now.”

“SANS!!! NO TAKING OUT YOUR PETS IN THE LIVING ROOM!! YOU KNOW THEY ALWAYS GET DUST EVERYWHERE!!! ANYWAY, WE KNOW THAT GANG YOU WERE BESET BY, HUMAN. BUT IF YOU ARE INVOLVED WITH THEM SOMEHOW… WE NEED TO HEAR ALL YOUR INTEL ON THEM SO WE CAN CRUSH THEM WITH OUR SUPERIOR MIGHT.” 

“I don’t have any loyalty to them anymore… but what’s in it for me?”

“continuation.”

“THAT AND A MEMBERSHIP IN OUR MOB. THE ‘MONSTERS’ WE LIKE TO CALL OURSELVES… OUR DON IS HORRIBLE AT NAMING THINGS. YOUR TIME WITH US WILL BE FILLED WITH ACTION!! MAYBE EVEN ROMANCE!! YOU COULD BATTLE CRIME WITH A DATEMATE AT YOUR SIDE…”

“Hhh… Fine. Here’s what I know…”

**Author's Note:**

> soooo.... what'd you think? :) :) you can think it's awful, that is acceptable. or you can be like 'AHHH, YOU'RE SO AMAZING, AUTHOR-SAN!!' Which... would be kinda weird and slightly disturbing that anyone thought that about us... but whatever, we're not judging ;p


End file.
